Monday, May 16, 2011


Dear inventor of the Push Popper,

Clearly you are history's greatest genius.  I don't know when you invented your amazing device, nor do I fully understand what motivated your idea, but having invented the greatest toy ever, I would like to ask you to now come out of retirement and try your hand at other problems we face as a civilization.

Global Climate Change, various diseases, war, famine, Justin Bieber - if you applied yourself to these and other problems, I believe with my whole heart that by this time next week, we could all be enjoying a soda and holding hands in song across the globe.

How did you get inside the head of a baby?  Did you first have to invent a device that allows you to read their thoughts, or their babbles?  How did you know that such a simple, and seemingly nonsensical idea would entertain my son for hours on end?  Please, don't be selfish!  Parents of the world need to read your book and understand how you knew this toy would work so well where others have failed so miserably.

In closing, if you ask, I will be your campaign manager, public relations person, or work in the mail room for your campaign for President of the United States or Intergalactic Potentate, whichever you choose to pursue.  Basically, I'm offering to be your humble servant, jester, or chauffeur - however you wish to use me, just so that maybe a fraction of your great wisdom will leak into my own mind, and make me the second wisest man in the world.

Humbly yours,


Do not deceive yourselves. If any of you think you are wise by the standards of this age, you should become “fools” so that you may become wise.  For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight. As it is written: “He catches the wise in their craftiness”; and again, “The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile.” So then, no more boasting about human leaders! All things are yours,  whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future—all are yours,  and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God. 
- 1 Corinthians 3:18-21

Oh.  Nevermind.

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